- Why do my children blatantly refuse water all day but suddenly develop chronic dehydration requiring endless cups of said beverage as soon as bedtime rolls around?
- Why will my children not eat stew (fortunately they are quite partial to ‘meat and chunky veg in gravy’)?
- How do they change from smart, well presented model citizens to scruffy, slightly feral creatures somewhere between home and school?
- Why is the phrase ‘sleeping like a baby’ touted about so much? My babies don’t sleep…..I want to sleep like my husband.
- Why will my toddler happily eat nappy cream, hand soap and paint yet mushrooms are ‘stinky’?
- Why can they recite the entire theme tune to a TV show yet they can’t remember what I sent them to their bedroom to fetch?
- Why do they always, always, always need a wee when there’s no toilet in a mile radius despite going twice before leaving the house?
- How, when my phone memory is full and it won’t let me take a photo, does it let the two year old take 472 photos of her own ears?
- Why can they not replace the lids on felt tip pens but can very vocally complain when aforementioned pens *shock horror* won’t work?
- Why can’t they eat couscous without causing some sort of pulse based snowstorm covering the entire lounge?
- Why don’t they understand that a cheese sandwich will taste exactly the same whether is it cut into rectangles, squares, triangles, bunny shapes or origami swans?
- Why did I receive ones with factory faults such as no volume control and tendency to disobey orders? I didn’t get a receipt and the warranty is rubbish!
- Why can I not read ‘Guess how much I love you?”without Big Nutbrown Hare having a Yorkshire accent?
- How can they flood the bathroom, use all the soap and leave wet towels everywhere, yet still look like they’ve been recruited by the SAS complete with warpaint?
- How can the weather be beautiful and settled for 22 hours of the day but suddenly decide to recreate the disaster scene from the film Twister as soon as it edges close to school run time?
If anyone can shed any light on any of these ponderings I’ll accept answers on the back of a postcard……. unfortunately the toddler is very reminiscent of a poorly trained puppy so the chances of me getting readable, unchewed post varies from slim to unlikely.
Welcome to my world.